I believe in god because of Doom. Because in Doom, god is more forgiving than in real life, and lets you have a bunch of lives. And can you imagine the devout combat simulators the pentagon's developed, if us lowly civillians can play Doom? And what powerful tools they could be? You see, once I played Doom Deathmatch against four other people, for eight hours straight. Then I went to bed. The next morning, coming down the stairs into the dining hall, I saw one of the people I had played Doom with, and I tried to shoot him. Unfortunately I didn't have a gun. If eight hours of Doom can do that for me, imagine what a daily regimen of drugs and Quake could do for a division of soldiers for six weeks. No wonder the military's been born again. And since god is more forgiving in Doom, you learn to worry less about getting shot. After all, once you die, you can play again, as many times as you want to. I guess that means I believe in reincarnation too. I don't believe in Nirvana though. Because in Doom, there's none of that bullshit about Karma. You can shoot whoever you like, and they can shoot you, and you can both start over on the same level as soon as you like. And if there was Nirvana, then you could escape the cycle of reincarnation. But I don't think the programmers wrote that part when they made Doom. That'd be like not playing the game. How enlightened is that? And if there's all this reincarnation, what about hell? That's an easy one, you know, because the evil guys in Doom, they came from hell, and Quake, the new Doom game, takes place in hell- and it's the best game of them all. If you ask me, the reason that Doom is so popular today is that people realize that they need Doom in this troubled day and age. And so Doom gives them, like me, a great faith in god and in reincarnation and it tells them that there really is a hell, and if you are not careful you'll get attacked up by a drooling, grunting monster.

-special thanks to Nicholas for showing me the light.

poetry as data compression
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